The long and winding road...

Today is May 12, 2009 and it has been almost exactly nine months since I started the LA Weight Loss program. I wanted to be a certain size, a certain weight, a NUMBER, and I have learned to grow beyond the idea that I am a number on the scale. (But honestly, I am so glad I am THIS number on the scale and not the old one!)

I have made some discoveries about myself physically in the past nine months. I have learned how I react to certain foods, that I gain a pound or two when I eat a slice of pizza and one slice of cheesecake can easily turn into two which only makes my insides clench up. I crave working out a lot more than I think I do, and I can tell a significant difference in my mood and energy level if I just go for a walk to the park. There is no more heaving on the stairs (most times I bounce up them), complaining about lifting heavy bags, or worrying about my back from carrying Nadia around all day. And wow, I actually have muscles now. Muscles you can see, that actually work. This is still amazing to me.

I have made some emotional discoveries, too. For instance, I've gotten pretty close to friends and family who understand me and my oddball body issues. I've seen how difficult it is for me to turn away temptation, and which are the most painful foods to turn away. More than anything, I know that I am a good mother and wife, that I am appreciated, and that I don't have to make and eat a batch of cookies for my peers to feel love. I feel rewarded when I provide a healthy, balanced meal for my family or try new recipes. Before August 18, 2008 I felt good when I could polish off half a Chicago-style pizza from Pizza Extreme. Now I feel good when I finish a lo-carb bread, fat free cream cheese, peppadew pepper and tomatos-style veggie burger with a pear.

In the past nine months I have lost 42 pounds and 25 inches from my body. 4 1/2" from my bust, 7" from my waist, 8" from my hips, 5 1/2" from each thigh. I started out as a size 14 unwilling to comfortably wear size 16 clothes. I now generally wear a size 8 pair of jeans, with some 6's and some 10's thrown in, which is a new concept for me. When I was a 14, I only wore 14, whether they truly fit me or not. I was unwilling to budge on that, simply because becoming a true size 16 means shopping on The Other Side of the Store. (Ladies will understand what that means, and you know that I mean nothing against people who do. It was just a hard leap for me to make.)

So now I'm done with the weight loss portion of the program and I've moved into stabilization. This means you introduce a new food each week into your system until you know you can reach a weight you can maintain. I added a new "healthy fat" each day last week, which meant more Smart Balance butter or a tbsp of peanut butter. (My doctor said I should...) And this week has added unlimited vegetables. This is fantastic! I LOVE vegetables!

And now, to celebrate, I am heading to the Chilton Beer Festival this Sunday. It's finally here! I am thankful I've met my goals and I get to celebrate as I hoped, in this new body with incredible energy who also happens to look good in a bikini. I made a list of my goals and those three things were on there. And I have also stayed true to my mantra, which is posted on a card in my medicine cabinet and on a separate card in my purse. "Picture this--I am at Chilton, in the barn, surrounded by friends. I am dancing to Copper Box and drinking great beer. I am wearing clothes that fit me in a size I have never worn before. I am comfortable in my own skin and having the best time of my life!!!" I think I'm going to keep that card and continue to use it as my mantra.

Even with this celebration, with this new persona, I have learned the importance of the journey and not the destination. A diet is a new life style, not a number. I have a long road ahead of me to maintain this body, this ME that I have discovered. This Sunday I will celebrate meeting my goal, but I will also welcome the challenge of maintaining this realistic goal, staying happy, and striving to feel good about myself.

My new plan: SURPASS THIS PLATEAU

We shall see what my weigh-in claims tomorrow, but I have stayed relatively the same weight for two weeks now. This is frustrating. It's the first real "plateau" I've hit since I started losing weight last fall, and that's pretty amazing for how long I've been working at this weight loss goal. I find that slightly adding to my workout each week is helping me to maintain my current weight within a few ounces (and then back down again) but I am left feeling incredibly hungry at the end of each night. Before bed, a craving comes knocking that says, "Hey, if you had one orange that wouldn't kill you, or maybe two of those tasty cherry prunes Jaci turned you on to..." Sometimes I appease that craving. Sometimes I tell it to go back to its hiding space and leave me alone, then I fill my belly with a mug of hot tea, and "make do" with a hunger pang or two until I nod off.

The bigger cravings happen throughout the day, and those cravings become daydreams about food. You know how people have fantasties? Well, clearly, mine are all meals. I drive down the street, say, Fish Hatchery Road, and I am struck by how many places I want to partake. Start with stuffed pizza from Pizza Extreme with tomatos and onions and mushrooms, with a giant salad with house dressing, and cheesy garlic bread that gets dipped in the extra dressing. Then head to Casa del Sol (AKA Casa de Lara) for a bowl of spicy carrots, chips and salsa, and cheesy cilantro enchiladas with rice and beans. Then stop by Coldstone Creamery for chocolate ice cream with peanut butter cups and chocolate syrup. Depending on the day, I might also envision the cinnamon raisin crunch bagels at Panera, the cheese quesadillas at Qdoba, and spicy tortilla soup at Laredo's. By the time I round the corner to Therese's, and tell myself it will all be okay, I see the Benvenuto's, which makes my mouth water with the taste of fresh bread dipped in spicy olive oil. As I attempt to block each of these tastes from my mind a new taste emerges from the next restaurant on the block. Oddly enough, more than all of these foods put together, I truly just want a cookie. A chocolate chunk cookie from Einstein Brothers Bagels, warmed up and placed in that discreet paper sack. Writing about it and describing it to you doesn't make it any easier.

I believe I am having these intense cravings for the past few weeks for several reasons. 1. Giving in to temptation on the day of the Brahms performance opened a door that has been difficult to shut. I now have the flavor of pizza, gyro sauce, and chocolate cookies in my immediate memory when I made it a necessity to withhold from those foods for several months. 2. I'm not losing weight rapidly as I typically have, and so I am not feeling the rewards of my hard work. 3. My diet has become "old". The novelty has worn off. I am finding it difficult to get creative with food, to find flavor in the foods I used enjoy, and to limit things that seem to be good for me. (Like, for instance, 20 calorie prunes.)

I have yet to push beyond 38.6 pounds of total loss. My goal from seven months ago is only 3 pounds away. Three pounds. Wow. So close and yet so far. When I share that number with people I tend to get one of two answers. Either they are a guy and they think, wow, she looks great now, what's three pounds? Or, they are a girlfriend, and they say, "That's not so hard! You can do it!" Both of them are right and wrong in so many ways. I am finding out how difficult those three pounds are to lose but I am determined to lose them. I am seeing ways in which I look great when I know those same areas of my body looked completely different only months ago. I am thankful for the compliments, I am flattered by the newfound reactions to my appearance, and I am energized by this healthy identity. However, I am also as determined as I ever was to reach my goal, whether or not I realistically need to lose three pounds.

After some intense thinking tonight, after wondering what I can eat, what will make me feel better, what won't tip the scale tomorrow if I actually cave and eat something... I drew a few conclusions.
1. If I continue to withhold from things I enjoy, say, chocolate cookies and carbonated beverages, I will occasionally feast on those things and feel awful. Going months without something you enjoy causes you to rationalize indulging beyond reason when you finally break down.
2. A person who works out six days a week for at least 45 minutes at a stretch, who is now adding running a mile occasionally and lifting weights three days a week should be able to metabolize a small indulgence once in a while.
3. Each of these cravings should be enjoyed in moderation. I may dream up scenes of stuffed crust pizza but I don't have to eat an entire pie. I may let the thought of that cookie from Einstein's fill my head, but I really want a fraction of it to trip my trigger. A diet, a healthy life in general, is truly about moderation. Am I really doing this diet to lose weight or am I attempting to be a healthier person? And aren't educated, balanced decisions really the goal?
4. If I have a cookie, just one part of a big cookie, or the flavor of a small cookie, I'll stop thinking about cookies, right? At least for a few days. Don't ya think?

So, tonight was an experiment. I was craving something sweet after dinner. Bryan and I had soup and salad at Panera Bread, which left me wanting more. Therese gave me a stick of gum, which helped for about thirty minutes and I only spat it out to imagine what a cookie must taste like. So, I had half of one of my LA Lite Bars, telling myself that the chocolate of the bar was similar to the chocolate chips in my Dream Cookie. Then, I headed to Woodman's for a late-night shopping trip. I remembered that Bryan needed raisins, which are ironically shelved opposite the baked goods. I stared at all things Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines, and triple fudge until I couldn't take it anymore. It was becoming more and more clear how important it was to not go shopping mid-craving! Out of curiosity I went to the cookie dough and scoped out something to make. There just had to be mini-cookies, or lo-fat cookies (ha!), something I could make to indulge these hankerings. Sure enough, I found Tollhouse makes mini cookies, three equaling 160 calories. I came home, cleared the dishes, put away the groceries, caught up on email, and made those mini cookies. I ate two. By my count, that's about 100 calories or so, and with the 100 calories from my bar before I went shopping that makes me 200 calories "over budget" (as I like to call it). AND I FEEL GREAT! Not because my stomach is full but because I made an educated decision about temptation.

I have a plan:
1. If I lose weight after I weigh-in on Saturdays, Mondays, and Thursdays, I will reward myself. Right now my biggest craving is chocolate chip cookies, well then, I get one mini cookie on those days! And this is only if I have lost weight. If I gain weight it's back to the drawing board, or at least, back to the gym. I've been honest with myself so far, I think I can be honest about this, too. Right now I am eating 30 calorie bread, four slices a day. That's really only 120 calories in starch, so I think I can support eating a 50 calorie cookie without breaking the bank.
2. I have three Diet Buddies. Jaci, you are my all things LA Weight Loss, Take-Off, and weigh-ins buddy. You know exactly what I'm going through. Therese, you are my three days a week check in, 100 push ups, workout video buddy. You make so much sense sometimes, and I need that. Liz, you are my going for walks and working out at the Princeton Club buddy. You tell me when you want to go and we'll go!
3. I've laid out what I'm eating each day of the week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday have the same general menu. Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday have the same general menu. It's written on two sheets of paper and taped to the inside of my cubbard. When I take my vitamins in the morning I can remind myself of the plan for the day. There's no questioning when or what I'll eat EVER, and thus, I don't have to wonder what to do or where to go for food. This will also help with budgeting out groceries each week. I don't think I'm creating a food "rut" with this, there is variation within each food group at each meal. And having it written down will help me feel accountable.

By Chilton Sunday, May 17th, I will be at least three pounds lighter. And I'm hoping I'll feel equally as content as I feel right now.

What I've Learned so Far about My Body

Most of my friends and family know that I've been on LA Weight Loss for the past seven months. I have averaged 1.5 pounds of loss a week, which is slightly slower than most people on the program due to being a vegetarian. I've lost a total of 34.6 pounds so far, and my goal is only 6 pounds away! I'm amazed at how much I've learned about weight loss and taking care of myself. Here is what I've learned so far about my OWN body... maybe it will work for you!




1. I react poorly to any salt. This is salt in pizza dough, on saltines and Wheat Thins, and definitely added salt on eggs or vegetables. I have only used Lite Salt by the 1/4 teaspoon in large recipes as they call for it, and I never add salt to my food. Any time I have something with salt on it, say, 10 small tortilla chips on New Year's, my body gains over a pound in water weight to try and cleanse itself of the salt. I now buy reduced fat Triscuits instead of Wheat Thins and canned goods that are salt-free because they have less sodium.


2. I react poorly to things with fat in them. If the only unusual thing I've eaten is regular fat sour cream instead of reduced fat or fat free sour cream, my body will gain at least half a pound from it. I only eat reduced fat sour cream, butter, peanut butter, milk, yogurt, and soup. (If I ever eat soup, it's almost always so high in sodium!)


3. My body craves activity. I have such a high energy level each and every day, that when I take a day off (one day a week, usually Thursdays) I tend to feel like I'm waiting to work out again. I ask myself, "Are you ok? Don't you need to take a nap? Or maybe eat dinner with your family for once?" I do zumba three days a week and do workout videos three days a week. I ran on Monday for the first time but now that the snow came back I plan on holding off on running again. And to be honest, even though the run felt relatively rewarding, my muscles still ache three days later...


4. I dislike drinking straight, plain water, but yet I crave water! I drink at least four bottles of water a day and most days I drink five. Much of that is tea, but I drink at least two bottles of plain water when I work out. I've stayed away from soda, coffee, and juice. If I have anything with aspartame in it (flavored diet teas or flavored water) I will drink an extra water that day to help clear out my system since it actually makes me retain water! Two things I drink every day are Yogi Tea brand Fasting Tea, which tastes like black licorice, and hot lemon water, which aids in digestion.


5. I need zumba. If there was a zumba class every day, I would go. Scratch that. If I could take zumba with my favorite teachers every day, I would. :)





Most people ask me, "WHAT is ZUMBA?" The easiest answer is that zumba is an aerobic dance class based on several different, usually latin, dances, founded by Beto Perez in 1999. It incorporates salsa, merengue, cumbia, reggaeton, cha-cha, mambo, flamenco, and belly dancing in a fast-paced workout, and most classes run for an hour. It is said that the average person can burn 700 calories in an hour of zumba. Most songs run five minutes long, you GO GO GO and have a blast for those five minutes, and you get a brief break between songs to get a drink of water.




To me, zumba is an outer expression of inner energy and spirit. It is sensual, even sexy at times, but that interpretation is never forced on the people in the room. You are given the framework, the choreography, of the dance and you run with it. A person can add spins, stomps, kicks, twists, more or less hip movements and it is all "zumba". This is unlike an aerobics class where you stick out like a sore thumb if you do something incorrectly. I think zumba is one of the few classes you can take at the gym where nothing is "wrong" with you if you make a mistake. And isn't that something we try and teach our kids, our friends, and our students? It's ok to make mistakes!



I am attaching three videos of my zumba class. These videos were taken last week on Tuesday, February 10, 2009. My teacher is Jill Budde (a goddess) and my full intent is to share the class and share what I am passionate about with my friends and family who read this blog. I have absolutely no complaints in any way, except that the shutter on the lens won't entirely open and the third video got cut short so I can't share all of my samba with you! (So, clearly, no complaints about the class, my teacher, or the Princeton Club. Disclaimer officially over!)



In the footage you will see Jill, the tiny gorgeous blond in the front. You'll see Joe, her husband, all in black with a bandana and a flair all his own that I love. You'll see on Joe's left a guy named Connor, a friend of a friend and now a friend of mine, who is so much fun to dance next to. The girl in the front with the short haircut is a girl from Russia, whose name I have yet to learn, but I watch her throughout class because she is always smiling! I will have to learn her name, she makes me feel so good! Then the pretty girl in the teal shirt and black shorts behind me is Julie, and she has grown so much in the past few months herself--she expresses herself a whole lot more than she used to. Her boyfriend usually comes and he is also a great dancer. She feeds off of me, I feed off of her, Joe and Connor and the other girl in front. We made a triangle originally and now we make an "X" most Tuesdays. Actually, we don't really have a shape... we move around a lot... but we are definitely a powerhouse together! The footage is of some of my favorite zumba songs currently in the line up, and hopefully next Tuesday I'll take footage of my all-time favorite dance, which samples a song by The Jackson Five... Enjoy!

Top: merengue, Middle: reggaeton, Bottom: samba hiphop

One smart girl!

For those of you who don't know, Nadia is a little smartie. She continues to amaze us every day, every week, every moment, with some new word or sign or discovery.



Today was a great day. She woke up early but in a good mood. Bryan got her ready while I slept in a few extra minutes and then took my time getting up. Both of us were sluggish, being a Monday morning and all, and she was a bundle of energy. I gave a call to Jaci, my wonderful mother-in-law, and we decided to go and weigh in again together at LA Weight Loss. Her suggestion was that Nadia would stay at their house with Grandpa while she and I ran our errand. Perfect! Grandpa just got back from a trip and would definitely love to "hang out".



So, I dropped her off, we ran to LA, then to Sentry, and returned to find Grandpa completely enraptured with his granddaughter! Jim was full of stories of the new things he saw, new words and actions he had yet to hear and see, and he was just giddy with all things Nadia. We shared our stories of the latest things we noticed, including all the things that had just recently happened while he was out of town!



And of course, as our time ended, the three of us realized Miss Nadia was sleepy. She helped put her books and toys away, was patient in getting into her "warm clothes" as I call them, and we got in the car and headed home. This was all very cute, but the best part of our morning was yet to come.



We pulled into our driveway and I could hear Nadia say, "side" for "outside". I said, "Yes, honey, we have to go outside." I opened the door and leaned in, grabbed the bag of groceries from the driver's side of the car, with just enough time to hear her say, "Hi!" I went to the other side of the car to get Nadia and my purse, and she tells me, "buckle" and "up" as I bring her out of the car. As she reaches my hip, she tells me "beep! beep!" and points at my keys. I hand her the keys and point to the button that locks the door and sets the alarm. I say, "ok, you do the beep beep" and she pushes the button once to lock the car door. Then I ask, "Again?" and she leans forward, take the keys in her hands, and pushes the button a second time to set the alarm! We get inside the house, and I let her climb the stairs as she says, "up" over and over again with each step. She gets to the top, turns around, and tells me "nigh-night"... I say, "Ok, honey, you go to your room, Momma will meet you there." I put the bag of groceries in the front corner of the kitchen as she walks down the hallway to her room. As I round the corner and look in, I see she is patiently waiting at the end of her crib for me.



She gives me the sign for "clothes" which was telling me to take off her winter suit. She says, "up, please" and I pick her up. I grab her blanket and her binkie (that awful binkie!) and start to sing, "Leaving on a Jet Plane" Peter, Paul and Mary-style. She looks me square in the eyes and puts her fingers gently to my mouth. (Ok, I'll stop singing!) I immediately stop, mid-phrase, and lay her down in the crib. I put the blanket up to her chin, and with binkie in her mouth, she tells me "Thank you". She fell asleep immediately.



Are you crying yet? I am!


Here are some things she has learned this week:


--"Jaci" for Grandma Jaci. The best timing of this was when she screamed it into the office at LA Weight Loss while Grandma Jaci was talking to a counselor!


--"Teese" for Therese. She pulled this out, as well as the sign we created for Therese, in the car on the way to Cottage Grove. We said, "No, honey, we're not on the way to see Auntie Therese." I called her right away to see if Nadia would keep saying it, and she could barely hear it through the phone but she kept it up!


--"LOUIE!" We spent last Friday night at George and Lisa's and Nadia had a lot of fun with all the little doggies, even yelling for Louie each time he ran away!


--"wi-wi" for wipe, which Nadia can now do for herself if she makes something "messy" (thank you, Jaci, for showing me this!)


--she has figured out how to go DOWN stairs finally! She does not like to go backwards, she likes to sit on each one, and say "sit" and then put her feet down so she can "slide" to the next.


--This morning she told me "pee!" and I said, "Ok, let's go to the bathroom!" She pointed to the toilet, lifted the lid, and just looked in... I don't know if this meant she had a pee diaper or not! But I am definitely going to get the potty and a pair of "pretty panties" this week! Nadia knows the difference between poop and pee and tells me what she has in her diaper before I go to open it. This is good, except for when she has wet poop and tries to tell me it's pee... Then I'm just disappointed I don't get to change an easy diaper!


Remember, Nadia is only 16 months old!


We are so incredibly blessed to have Nadia in our lives. She continues to awe and amaze us and we are so very lucky to be surrounded by her love and energy.