Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

I cried in zumba last night.

I had been working a second shift job this past month at the American Girl doll company which kept me from attending zumba every week. I wrapped all the little accessories and dolls and toys, and spent time in loose fill, packing the peanuts in the boxes and taping them closed before mailing. And every Tuesday night at work for those four weeks I thought about zumba. I missed it incredibly, I missed the freeing movements and hour of expression. Yes, I made some extra money for my family and I am grateful for that, and it was hard to be away from Bryan and Nadia each night at dinner time and bedtime. However, the hardest part of being away from my family was the "therapy" I was missing from zumba class.

Last night was long overdue. I worked out twice as hard, I moved twice as much, I sweat more than usual. It felt so good to be in my element again and push my body in a physical way. There were moments in class last night where I lost myself in the music, especially when my instructor had everyone move where they wanted in the room and dance how they wanted. It was just magical, to feel so free, to be so happy, to be in tune with my own body.

Class ended with a song by Josh Groban, called "Thankful." We cooled down, stretching our arms above our heads, to the side, behind our backs and working our legs. I was entranced by the words, that kept repeating, "We have so much to be thankful for." By the end of the song, all I could do was stand still, close my eyes, and cry. I was swept away by so many things in that moment and it has inspired me to get back on this blog and write for you all.

I encourage each and every person reading this to find your zumba. What is it that truly makes you happy? When is the time, if for only an hour a week, do you take the time to learn about yourself? Zumba is like therapy for me. It's relaxing and yet invigorating, it produces a wonderful high, it stretches me physically and mentally with learning new moves and choreography, it allows me to open up and express myself. It is a time when I can truly be ME. I just happen to be surrounded by others who feel the same way I do!

Besides zumba, I have found incredible happiness this year. I finished teaching for Stoughton schools this past June and have decided to be a stay at home mom ever since. I was incredibly lucky to meet and work with so many talented and caring teachers in that district. I am grateful to my students that put up with me for two years, who made it through some really stressful times with me without even knowing it. If I could have my own choir now with Tasha, Jordan, Alex, Theron, both Zach's, both Kris's, and Justina and Jalea and Catherine and McKenzie and Luke and Sam and Bre and Ashley (oh, Ashley!), I would be a very happy woman. If one of my eighth graders reads this and doesn't see their name, don't be offended. Teachers forget names but they never forget how you made them feel.

I got to go to Europe this past summer with the Chamber Singers from UW--Platteville. Bryan was unable to attend this time around but I look forward to the day he will join me. We sang first in Berlin, then around smaller areas of Germany, and finished in Prague in the Czech Republic. It was absolutely breathtaking! I was overwhelmed by the beauty of those countries, how friendly people were in general, the powerful history and the beautiful art and architecture. This trip was a music geek's dream! We sang in four completely different, absolutely breathtaking churches. We saw Bach's church in Leipzig (including where he was buried), the area in Halle where Handel lived and worked, and even rode on a boat on the Elbe River and hummed "The Moldau" by Smetana as we went.

Nadia turned a year old this past September and she is just amazing. She sings and hums to herself, she dances at least a dozen times a day, she helps around the house and puts things back where they belong. She has learned a dozen words this month (literally!) including chilly, waw-waw, noo-noo (noodle), up and down, ouch, apple, bib, cocoa, and more. She is incredibly entertaining to watch from an outsider's perspective. It is rewarding to see how quickly she learns, how smart she really is, how easy of a kid she seems to be. We are truly blessed to have Nadia as our daughter.

For the past four months I have been on LA Weight Loss and trying to take care of my body. I have lost 26.6 lbs so far and intend on losing quite a bit more. My goal is to be a size 8 at the Chilton Beer Fest on the third weekend of May. Keep cheering me on! I believe I will get there! I think I can, I think I can...

This fall I have been traveling down to Platteville once a week and singing again with Chamber Choir. I even got to go on their fall tour to the Fox River Valley. After sharing time with them at Retreat at the Sinsinawa Dominican Mound in September, I realized just how much I missed the ensemble and having singing in my life. We made the commute work as long as we could financially but our bills finally won the battle. I fully intend on singing with them again in the spring once I have a nighttime job, or once we win the lottery, whichever comes first.

And now Christmas is here and I am struck by how lucky I really am. I have a husband who loves me very much and a daughter who is cuter and smarter than most... I have Therese to hang out with and just be "normal" around. I have Jaci and Jim, the two most patient and loving in-laws a girl could ever have. I have CeCy and George and Lisa, who continually welcome me into their family. I have my mom, and Dad and Joy, and Dave and Liz, who are incredibly caring people in my life. I have Angie and Katrina, two of my closest friends that still make me laugh until I cry. I have Bob, and Chamber Choir, who provide tremendous comfort. I have a roof over my head, bills that are slowly but surely being paid, food on my table, clothing that fits reasonably well... I have this new body, and tremendous energy, and a drive to continue moving forward with my health and happiness. I am truly feeling happier and more and more comfortable in my own skin every single day.

For Christmas, give yourself the gift of honest happiness. Find your zumba. Find family that loves you to no end. Find friends that make you cry out of complete love and understanding as many times as they make you cry from awful jokes. Find YOU.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and warm winter wishes to everyone!

Love,

The Marks Family

A few GOOD things

A few minutes ago, we were visited by a Jehovah's witness sharing the word of his god. He read a section of the bible sharing with us that we are in the "End of Days" and that all of the problems we are facing are foretold in the bible. I wanted to ask if it was in the factual part of the bible, or the allegory part of the bible, but I figured I should just let him do his mission.

You don't have to hear it from a Jehovah's Witness that things are bad. The Marks family listens to Air America on 92.1 every single day, usually for several hours between our cars and listening over dinner. We try and pay attention to all the directions our government seems to be heading, and the new direction we hope it will turn in 21 days. In this chaotic world of financial crisis, religious and cultural intolerance, and fear of another cold war, it is imperative that each and every one of us take stock of how good things really are.

I am the healthiest I've been in a very long time. I've officially lost just over ten pounds in the past seven weeks. I eat balanced meals every day, with a lot healthier ingredients, and a lot more organic, fresh fruits and steamed vegetables. My influence is working on the rest of the family, I believe.

We have a home that we can afford that is just right for our family. We have bedrooms for each of us, a big downstairs that is a complete mess right now but which will soon be a craft space and storage. We have a welcoming living room and kitchen table with food on it for anyone that would like to stop by.

We have a beautiful, incredibly smart, and well-behaved daughter. She now can "meow" when you ask her what a kitty says, and "moo" when you ask her what a cow says. She also can say "ah duh" for all done, "hey" when she picks up a telephone, "bah" for a bottle or a ball (whichever is closer), "bithoo" for bagel, and growl like a bear when you growl at her. Grandma Jaci says she can also say her own name, but I think Nadia's keeping that from us for a while and making it a special thing between the two of them. ;) Nadia still takes two naps a day, so for three hours every day I get to stay caught up on the computer, do a workout video, wash laundry, clean the kitchen, or relax. Do you know how fantastic it is that our toddler takes two naps?!?

We have two working cars, clothes that fit us, running water of all temperatures in our sinks. We are millionaires in comparison to so many on this earth. We have religious freedom to think the heathen thoughts we think. We even have the right [AND THE DUTY] to vote. What a fantastic country we live in!

We even have the love of our wonderful families. Thank you, Daddy, for our hour-long conversation last night about all things Tennessee, politics, friends, and family. Thank you, Joy, for writing me letters every so often, sharing parts of your life "down south" that we don't get to see from up here. Thank you, Jaci, for supporting us in so many ways, and for being my sounding post on several occasions. Thank you, Jim, for understanding the inner workings of all the things we need but don't seem to work. Thank you, Mom, for making our lawn so beautiful. You have a glorious 'green thumb' and everyone at Nadia's party noticed how wonderful everything looked. Thank you, George and Lisa, for filling our bellies with warm and tasty food, and then cleaning the dishes afterwards. Thank you, Grandma Cecy, for cheering us up on our front porch, or when we're at your front door, on so many occasions. Thank you also for the beautiful cards you embroider, the wash cloths you crochet, and the stickers you put on envelopes. Thank you, Grandma Rindy, who always remembers to send cards on the special occasions, knowing that she cares very much for all of us.

Be optimistic. Remind yourself every day that you are lucky to be so lucky.

Zumba Mama

Yesterday I decided to take up Therese on a babysitting offer and head to the west side Princeton Club for a different zumba class. I've been heading to zumba on Tuesday mornings at 8:45, Wednesday nights at 6:30, and Thursday mornings at 8am when I can. There is also a Sunday class at both the east and west side, and usually I can't make that one because of Nadia's napping and eating schedule. I try to work out five days a week, and since I hadn't done anything on Thursday or Friday, this was my way of making up a day of laziness. :)

I decided that the 4pm class on the west side would be great, since Therese could watch Nadia while I was working out, and then we could all have dinner when I was done. Perfect. I drive to the Princeton Club (which was a fete in itself) and swipe my card. I realize that the changing rooms are around the far back corner on the bottom level, below where I signed in. I then figure out that the giant dance room exactly opposite the entrance is most likely the zumba room. In other words, you have to travel a lot if you want to take a class at the west side Princeton Club. I change my clothes in front of a lot of women that look "with it," almost certainly my competition in zumba class. By the time I reach the doors, it's ten minutes 'til the class starts, and I'm already the 20th person in the room. Even the busiest class on the east side has 30 people. Tops.

Little by little, women were surrounding me. I even had two women stand directly in front of me, and of course I thought I was at the front of the room. By the time class started, we had 50 people in one room. Shortly after class started, I saw that the room seemed more full and in turn, I figured at least another ten people had joined us as the music started. There were literally five dozen women (and a handful of men, one including a young black man with clearly "trained" moves) all in the same workout room for a one hour, fast moving cardio/dance class!

This was insane. I was hit twice by the woman on my left who kept glaring at me because I didn't know all the crazy moves. I was confused by the woman on my right who had her own personal set of Two Left Elephant Feet. I was wonderfully challenged by all the new choreography that this new teacher had to offer, but not enough room to experiment on my own or to make mistakes. For those of my family and friends who haven't taken a workout class in a while, picture this: there are 60 people in one room. All of them are trained for several weeks in the same choreography to the same songs in a room filled with mirrors. People are dancing 10 people wide and 6 people deep from door to window, and can only see the actions of those in front of them and not necessarily themselves or their teacher. Here comes me, a creative soul and not necessarily used to conforming, even in zumba class, looking like a leaping frog amongst an army of ants.

I rock in zumba class. I pick up choreography quickly and if I don't, it's no skin off my back. I just keep trying until I get it, and then when I have it, I do it with conviction. I know I don't look like a trained dancer, and I really don't even look like the latest thing at the club, but I'm definitely having fun and setting a fearless example for those around me. I smile a lot. I add little shimmies and turns. When it comes to the "Low" song ("Apple Bottom jeans, boots with the fur...) I rock it probably more than I should. But none of my strengths were welcome in this mass zumba class on the west side. I'm going to attempt the 8pm class on Tuesday night and see if it's any better. I'm more comfortable with the bouncy, aerobics and latin-influenced teachers on the east side. But if I can zumba almost every day of the week, it's worth a shot! Wish me luck!

Being a healthier mom

For those of you who hadn't heard yet, I officially resigned from teaching this year to stay at home with Nadia. At first, I was apprehensive about making such a decision that seemingly left me with "nothing else to do but take care of the kid." After the busiest summer of my life (being in two weddings, a trip to Europe, 3 times to a friend's lake house, 1 time up to the parents' cabin, and a multitude of errands that would normally have been left un-done) I am encouraged to see just how full the life of a stay at home mom really is!

This summer has been the best summer of my life. I have had a list of things to do and yet all the time in the world. This is Nadia's first summer, and she loves the outdoors and the water. She could go for a stroller ride twice a day to the same park and never get bored. The hard part is finding time for all the other things that have to get done, because I, too, would enjoy being at the park all day instead of cleaning the house. In many ways, this was the best summer because it has been the best balance of them all. We have Nadia and all of her quirks to enjoy. We get to witness Nadia enjoying things we take for granted, and learn crawling and rolling and lobbing ourselves over things like she does. We have had the adventures of my big European Vacation and our mini-vacations with family and friends. I have gotten some things done at the house that I wanted to, like keeping the livingroom relatively clean and the dishes washed and the groceries bought on a regular basis. I worked harder to provide and make healthier baby food for Nadia, which is already growing out of. I've been reading books non-stop, from Shadow of the Dolls to currently Randy Pfausch's Last Lecture. I joined a book club! I started this blog! I even got the introduction to my Mommy Book written and the rest is yet to come!

This is the first time in 20 years where I didn't end summer with going back to school. Wow.

And this is the first summer where I truly feel like I accomplished things. I got a lot done, I tried new things, I traveled. I started taking Zumba class at the Princeton Club on Wednesday nights and now let that be Daddy Date Night. I am thankful that I have had such a fulfilling summer, and I am thankful to have had the support of my friend, Therese, in taking care of Nadia (and I) while I got so many things done, or happily left them undone.

The next thing to work on is myself. As I said, I started going to Zumba class regularly. I've started walking further than I thought I could walk. I unofficially started LA Weight Loss a week ago today. It's unofficial because I also got two cavities filled and my wisdom teeth pulled a week ago, so the anesthesia that was used is keeping my metabolism from officially starting the program. So far, my teeth are doing well, my energy's up, and I'm proud of the balanced meals I've concocted for the past several days. I am looking forward to Hip Hop class on Tuesday nights and the Mommy and Me Stroller Class on Saturday mornings starting in October, as well as continuing whatever crazy classes I take at the Princeton Club. A year from now I should be a size 8. Here's to the start of the rest of my life!

Like mother, like daughter?

Nadia figured out how to take her pants off before she took a nap today. I have no idea how she figured this out. The pants are 9 months, she's just at 10 months in age but still fits into them. In fact, the pants are a little long so they hang past her ankles. Therese put her down for a nap while I was getting work done. Then Therese and I decided to put in a movie and keep working on our projects. After an hour, I went to check on her and she was soundly sleeping. I thought, "She's in a really uncomfortable position but it's just so darn cute! I got Therese's attention to come check out how crazy she was positioned in the crib.

Therese: Why are your baby's pants off?
Me: What do you mean?
Therese: Did you take her pants off?
Me: No. Did you?
Therese: No. Ummm, I think your daughter took her pants off while she was sleeping.
Me: No way! I just wanted you to look at how crazy she looked! She actually did that?
Therese: Yes. What are you teaching your kid?!?

I'm not saying I taught Nadia how to strip. I haven't even put the idea in her head! She must have discovered some way to pull at the edges of her hem while her feet were in the air... Or maybe she laid on her back and she actually lifted her butt in the air and took them off! The truth is, once she got them off, they most likely became a toy and turned into a kite in the air.

I'm thinking she got them off to admire them. I know that sounds crazy, or way ahead of her age, but this girl likes clothes. When I fold laundry she sits right there with me and plays in the pile of clean clothes. When she finds a stack of clean clothes on the floor after a late night of folding she always takes each piece off the stack to see it. She loves different textures right now, especially furry or extra-soft clothing and books. I have seen her hold on to a pretty sock like it's a toy and admire the skirt of her dress while she's wearing it. I am hoping this is not a sign of a future addiction...

Make your own baby food! (Who, me?)

Our family officially became members of the Willy Street Co-op today. For the cost of $15 a year we got a coupon book filled with more than our fair share of free products, a 10% discount on items at the store, and a pack of coupons and a newsletter with more information about green living each month. Now, I know this sounds crazy, but up until Nadia was born our family was about as green as a pre-packaged bag of iceberg lettuce. For being a "hippie" in a handful of other ways this was one leap I had yet to make.

I purchased two kinds of squash for the first time in my life. I bought a rubber-banded bunch of organic carrots with the green sprouts still on the tops. I scooped my own navy beans, bulgur (I want to call it "vulgar", parsley flakes and garlic powder into bags for weighing at checkout. I even got the only kind of toilet paper in the store; Green Forest paper is made without chlorine and from recycled materials. Wow. This was a big day. Truly earthy people are laughing at me right now at these futile attempts at being "green."

I was energized by this new family decision. Instead of sitting at the computer for hours or watching tv, I decided to jump right into making our newfound goodies into baby food for Nadia. I had attempted making food before when she first started solid foods at six months. Her first meal was avocados, which looked really silly but she seemed to love the texture. The second meal was sweet potatos, her all time favorite. Making entire meals for her, or preparing enough to last more than a few days seemed daunting to me and I've since gone the way of the Gerber...

With a little help from Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron, tonight I was able to make enough Food Cubes to last Nadia for at least ten days. I created an ice cube tray's worth of broccoli (high in calcium, vitamins A & C), a tray's worth of sweet potato (high in magnesium & potassium), three jars of carrots (mega-high in vitamin A), and three jars of green beans (full of vitamin K and iron). This endeavor took only an hour and a half and cost our family $6.52. If I bought Gerber food in packs of two at Walmart, used a pack a day for ten days, it would cost us $13.90. This only includes the pack of veggies or fruit and does not add in the new "porridge" Nadia starts tomorrow which is similar to rice cereal. Don't ask me what a box of that costs or how long it lasts!

I'm proud of my energy on this. I feel like buying organic or in bulk or grocery shopping at the co-op from local farmers are things I can do to support our community and my family. Yes, I will still shop at Walmart. Yes, we are still using disposable diapers. Yes, I've decided to pick and choose my own battles.