The long and winding road...

Today is May 12, 2009 and it has been almost exactly nine months since I started the LA Weight Loss program. I wanted to be a certain size, a certain weight, a NUMBER, and I have learned to grow beyond the idea that I am a number on the scale. (But honestly, I am so glad I am THIS number on the scale and not the old one!)

I have made some discoveries about myself physically in the past nine months. I have learned how I react to certain foods, that I gain a pound or two when I eat a slice of pizza and one slice of cheesecake can easily turn into two which only makes my insides clench up. I crave working out a lot more than I think I do, and I can tell a significant difference in my mood and energy level if I just go for a walk to the park. There is no more heaving on the stairs (most times I bounce up them), complaining about lifting heavy bags, or worrying about my back from carrying Nadia around all day. And wow, I actually have muscles now. Muscles you can see, that actually work. This is still amazing to me.

I have made some emotional discoveries, too. For instance, I've gotten pretty close to friends and family who understand me and my oddball body issues. I've seen how difficult it is for me to turn away temptation, and which are the most painful foods to turn away. More than anything, I know that I am a good mother and wife, that I am appreciated, and that I don't have to make and eat a batch of cookies for my peers to feel love. I feel rewarded when I provide a healthy, balanced meal for my family or try new recipes. Before August 18, 2008 I felt good when I could polish off half a Chicago-style pizza from Pizza Extreme. Now I feel good when I finish a lo-carb bread, fat free cream cheese, peppadew pepper and tomatos-style veggie burger with a pear.

In the past nine months I have lost 42 pounds and 25 inches from my body. 4 1/2" from my bust, 7" from my waist, 8" from my hips, 5 1/2" from each thigh. I started out as a size 14 unwilling to comfortably wear size 16 clothes. I now generally wear a size 8 pair of jeans, with some 6's and some 10's thrown in, which is a new concept for me. When I was a 14, I only wore 14, whether they truly fit me or not. I was unwilling to budge on that, simply because becoming a true size 16 means shopping on The Other Side of the Store. (Ladies will understand what that means, and you know that I mean nothing against people who do. It was just a hard leap for me to make.)

So now I'm done with the weight loss portion of the program and I've moved into stabilization. This means you introduce a new food each week into your system until you know you can reach a weight you can maintain. I added a new "healthy fat" each day last week, which meant more Smart Balance butter or a tbsp of peanut butter. (My doctor said I should...) And this week has added unlimited vegetables. This is fantastic! I LOVE vegetables!

And now, to celebrate, I am heading to the Chilton Beer Festival this Sunday. It's finally here! I am thankful I've met my goals and I get to celebrate as I hoped, in this new body with incredible energy who also happens to look good in a bikini. I made a list of my goals and those three things were on there. And I have also stayed true to my mantra, which is posted on a card in my medicine cabinet and on a separate card in my purse. "Picture this--I am at Chilton, in the barn, surrounded by friends. I am dancing to Copper Box and drinking great beer. I am wearing clothes that fit me in a size I have never worn before. I am comfortable in my own skin and having the best time of my life!!!" I think I'm going to keep that card and continue to use it as my mantra.

Even with this celebration, with this new persona, I have learned the importance of the journey and not the destination. A diet is a new life style, not a number. I have a long road ahead of me to maintain this body, this ME that I have discovered. This Sunday I will celebrate meeting my goal, but I will also welcome the challenge of maintaining this realistic goal, staying happy, and striving to feel good about myself.

My new plan: SURPASS THIS PLATEAU

We shall see what my weigh-in claims tomorrow, but I have stayed relatively the same weight for two weeks now. This is frustrating. It's the first real "plateau" I've hit since I started losing weight last fall, and that's pretty amazing for how long I've been working at this weight loss goal. I find that slightly adding to my workout each week is helping me to maintain my current weight within a few ounces (and then back down again) but I am left feeling incredibly hungry at the end of each night. Before bed, a craving comes knocking that says, "Hey, if you had one orange that wouldn't kill you, or maybe two of those tasty cherry prunes Jaci turned you on to..." Sometimes I appease that craving. Sometimes I tell it to go back to its hiding space and leave me alone, then I fill my belly with a mug of hot tea, and "make do" with a hunger pang or two until I nod off.

The bigger cravings happen throughout the day, and those cravings become daydreams about food. You know how people have fantasties? Well, clearly, mine are all meals. I drive down the street, say, Fish Hatchery Road, and I am struck by how many places I want to partake. Start with stuffed pizza from Pizza Extreme with tomatos and onions and mushrooms, with a giant salad with house dressing, and cheesy garlic bread that gets dipped in the extra dressing. Then head to Casa del Sol (AKA Casa de Lara) for a bowl of spicy carrots, chips and salsa, and cheesy cilantro enchiladas with rice and beans. Then stop by Coldstone Creamery for chocolate ice cream with peanut butter cups and chocolate syrup. Depending on the day, I might also envision the cinnamon raisin crunch bagels at Panera, the cheese quesadillas at Qdoba, and spicy tortilla soup at Laredo's. By the time I round the corner to Therese's, and tell myself it will all be okay, I see the Benvenuto's, which makes my mouth water with the taste of fresh bread dipped in spicy olive oil. As I attempt to block each of these tastes from my mind a new taste emerges from the next restaurant on the block. Oddly enough, more than all of these foods put together, I truly just want a cookie. A chocolate chunk cookie from Einstein Brothers Bagels, warmed up and placed in that discreet paper sack. Writing about it and describing it to you doesn't make it any easier.

I believe I am having these intense cravings for the past few weeks for several reasons. 1. Giving in to temptation on the day of the Brahms performance opened a door that has been difficult to shut. I now have the flavor of pizza, gyro sauce, and chocolate cookies in my immediate memory when I made it a necessity to withhold from those foods for several months. 2. I'm not losing weight rapidly as I typically have, and so I am not feeling the rewards of my hard work. 3. My diet has become "old". The novelty has worn off. I am finding it difficult to get creative with food, to find flavor in the foods I used enjoy, and to limit things that seem to be good for me. (Like, for instance, 20 calorie prunes.)

I have yet to push beyond 38.6 pounds of total loss. My goal from seven months ago is only 3 pounds away. Three pounds. Wow. So close and yet so far. When I share that number with people I tend to get one of two answers. Either they are a guy and they think, wow, she looks great now, what's three pounds? Or, they are a girlfriend, and they say, "That's not so hard! You can do it!" Both of them are right and wrong in so many ways. I am finding out how difficult those three pounds are to lose but I am determined to lose them. I am seeing ways in which I look great when I know those same areas of my body looked completely different only months ago. I am thankful for the compliments, I am flattered by the newfound reactions to my appearance, and I am energized by this healthy identity. However, I am also as determined as I ever was to reach my goal, whether or not I realistically need to lose three pounds.

After some intense thinking tonight, after wondering what I can eat, what will make me feel better, what won't tip the scale tomorrow if I actually cave and eat something... I drew a few conclusions.
1. If I continue to withhold from things I enjoy, say, chocolate cookies and carbonated beverages, I will occasionally feast on those things and feel awful. Going months without something you enjoy causes you to rationalize indulging beyond reason when you finally break down.
2. A person who works out six days a week for at least 45 minutes at a stretch, who is now adding running a mile occasionally and lifting weights three days a week should be able to metabolize a small indulgence once in a while.
3. Each of these cravings should be enjoyed in moderation. I may dream up scenes of stuffed crust pizza but I don't have to eat an entire pie. I may let the thought of that cookie from Einstein's fill my head, but I really want a fraction of it to trip my trigger. A diet, a healthy life in general, is truly about moderation. Am I really doing this diet to lose weight or am I attempting to be a healthier person? And aren't educated, balanced decisions really the goal?
4. If I have a cookie, just one part of a big cookie, or the flavor of a small cookie, I'll stop thinking about cookies, right? At least for a few days. Don't ya think?

So, tonight was an experiment. I was craving something sweet after dinner. Bryan and I had soup and salad at Panera Bread, which left me wanting more. Therese gave me a stick of gum, which helped for about thirty minutes and I only spat it out to imagine what a cookie must taste like. So, I had half of one of my LA Lite Bars, telling myself that the chocolate of the bar was similar to the chocolate chips in my Dream Cookie. Then, I headed to Woodman's for a late-night shopping trip. I remembered that Bryan needed raisins, which are ironically shelved opposite the baked goods. I stared at all things Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines, and triple fudge until I couldn't take it anymore. It was becoming more and more clear how important it was to not go shopping mid-craving! Out of curiosity I went to the cookie dough and scoped out something to make. There just had to be mini-cookies, or lo-fat cookies (ha!), something I could make to indulge these hankerings. Sure enough, I found Tollhouse makes mini cookies, three equaling 160 calories. I came home, cleared the dishes, put away the groceries, caught up on email, and made those mini cookies. I ate two. By my count, that's about 100 calories or so, and with the 100 calories from my bar before I went shopping that makes me 200 calories "over budget" (as I like to call it). AND I FEEL GREAT! Not because my stomach is full but because I made an educated decision about temptation.

I have a plan:
1. If I lose weight after I weigh-in on Saturdays, Mondays, and Thursdays, I will reward myself. Right now my biggest craving is chocolate chip cookies, well then, I get one mini cookie on those days! And this is only if I have lost weight. If I gain weight it's back to the drawing board, or at least, back to the gym. I've been honest with myself so far, I think I can be honest about this, too. Right now I am eating 30 calorie bread, four slices a day. That's really only 120 calories in starch, so I think I can support eating a 50 calorie cookie without breaking the bank.
2. I have three Diet Buddies. Jaci, you are my all things LA Weight Loss, Take-Off, and weigh-ins buddy. You know exactly what I'm going through. Therese, you are my three days a week check in, 100 push ups, workout video buddy. You make so much sense sometimes, and I need that. Liz, you are my going for walks and working out at the Princeton Club buddy. You tell me when you want to go and we'll go!
3. I've laid out what I'm eating each day of the week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday have the same general menu. Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday have the same general menu. It's written on two sheets of paper and taped to the inside of my cubbard. When I take my vitamins in the morning I can remind myself of the plan for the day. There's no questioning when or what I'll eat EVER, and thus, I don't have to wonder what to do or where to go for food. This will also help with budgeting out groceries each week. I don't think I'm creating a food "rut" with this, there is variation within each food group at each meal. And having it written down will help me feel accountable.

By Chilton Sunday, May 17th, I will be at least three pounds lighter. And I'm hoping I'll feel equally as content as I feel right now.

What I've Learned so Far about My Body

Most of my friends and family know that I've been on LA Weight Loss for the past seven months. I have averaged 1.5 pounds of loss a week, which is slightly slower than most people on the program due to being a vegetarian. I've lost a total of 34.6 pounds so far, and my goal is only 6 pounds away! I'm amazed at how much I've learned about weight loss and taking care of myself. Here is what I've learned so far about my OWN body... maybe it will work for you!




1. I react poorly to any salt. This is salt in pizza dough, on saltines and Wheat Thins, and definitely added salt on eggs or vegetables. I have only used Lite Salt by the 1/4 teaspoon in large recipes as they call for it, and I never add salt to my food. Any time I have something with salt on it, say, 10 small tortilla chips on New Year's, my body gains over a pound in water weight to try and cleanse itself of the salt. I now buy reduced fat Triscuits instead of Wheat Thins and canned goods that are salt-free because they have less sodium.


2. I react poorly to things with fat in them. If the only unusual thing I've eaten is regular fat sour cream instead of reduced fat or fat free sour cream, my body will gain at least half a pound from it. I only eat reduced fat sour cream, butter, peanut butter, milk, yogurt, and soup. (If I ever eat soup, it's almost always so high in sodium!)


3. My body craves activity. I have such a high energy level each and every day, that when I take a day off (one day a week, usually Thursdays) I tend to feel like I'm waiting to work out again. I ask myself, "Are you ok? Don't you need to take a nap? Or maybe eat dinner with your family for once?" I do zumba three days a week and do workout videos three days a week. I ran on Monday for the first time but now that the snow came back I plan on holding off on running again. And to be honest, even though the run felt relatively rewarding, my muscles still ache three days later...


4. I dislike drinking straight, plain water, but yet I crave water! I drink at least four bottles of water a day and most days I drink five. Much of that is tea, but I drink at least two bottles of plain water when I work out. I've stayed away from soda, coffee, and juice. If I have anything with aspartame in it (flavored diet teas or flavored water) I will drink an extra water that day to help clear out my system since it actually makes me retain water! Two things I drink every day are Yogi Tea brand Fasting Tea, which tastes like black licorice, and hot lemon water, which aids in digestion.


5. I need zumba. If there was a zumba class every day, I would go. Scratch that. If I could take zumba with my favorite teachers every day, I would. :)





Most people ask me, "WHAT is ZUMBA?" The easiest answer is that zumba is an aerobic dance class based on several different, usually latin, dances, founded by Beto Perez in 1999. It incorporates salsa, merengue, cumbia, reggaeton, cha-cha, mambo, flamenco, and belly dancing in a fast-paced workout, and most classes run for an hour. It is said that the average person can burn 700 calories in an hour of zumba. Most songs run five minutes long, you GO GO GO and have a blast for those five minutes, and you get a brief break between songs to get a drink of water.




To me, zumba is an outer expression of inner energy and spirit. It is sensual, even sexy at times, but that interpretation is never forced on the people in the room. You are given the framework, the choreography, of the dance and you run with it. A person can add spins, stomps, kicks, twists, more or less hip movements and it is all "zumba". This is unlike an aerobics class where you stick out like a sore thumb if you do something incorrectly. I think zumba is one of the few classes you can take at the gym where nothing is "wrong" with you if you make a mistake. And isn't that something we try and teach our kids, our friends, and our students? It's ok to make mistakes!



I am attaching three videos of my zumba class. These videos were taken last week on Tuesday, February 10, 2009. My teacher is Jill Budde (a goddess) and my full intent is to share the class and share what I am passionate about with my friends and family who read this blog. I have absolutely no complaints in any way, except that the shutter on the lens won't entirely open and the third video got cut short so I can't share all of my samba with you! (So, clearly, no complaints about the class, my teacher, or the Princeton Club. Disclaimer officially over!)



In the footage you will see Jill, the tiny gorgeous blond in the front. You'll see Joe, her husband, all in black with a bandana and a flair all his own that I love. You'll see on Joe's left a guy named Connor, a friend of a friend and now a friend of mine, who is so much fun to dance next to. The girl in the front with the short haircut is a girl from Russia, whose name I have yet to learn, but I watch her throughout class because she is always smiling! I will have to learn her name, she makes me feel so good! Then the pretty girl in the teal shirt and black shorts behind me is Julie, and she has grown so much in the past few months herself--she expresses herself a whole lot more than she used to. Her boyfriend usually comes and he is also a great dancer. She feeds off of me, I feed off of her, Joe and Connor and the other girl in front. We made a triangle originally and now we make an "X" most Tuesdays. Actually, we don't really have a shape... we move around a lot... but we are definitely a powerhouse together! The footage is of some of my favorite zumba songs currently in the line up, and hopefully next Tuesday I'll take footage of my all-time favorite dance, which samples a song by The Jackson Five... Enjoy!

Top: merengue, Middle: reggaeton, Bottom: samba hiphop

One smart girl!

For those of you who don't know, Nadia is a little smartie. She continues to amaze us every day, every week, every moment, with some new word or sign or discovery.



Today was a great day. She woke up early but in a good mood. Bryan got her ready while I slept in a few extra minutes and then took my time getting up. Both of us were sluggish, being a Monday morning and all, and she was a bundle of energy. I gave a call to Jaci, my wonderful mother-in-law, and we decided to go and weigh in again together at LA Weight Loss. Her suggestion was that Nadia would stay at their house with Grandpa while she and I ran our errand. Perfect! Grandpa just got back from a trip and would definitely love to "hang out".



So, I dropped her off, we ran to LA, then to Sentry, and returned to find Grandpa completely enraptured with his granddaughter! Jim was full of stories of the new things he saw, new words and actions he had yet to hear and see, and he was just giddy with all things Nadia. We shared our stories of the latest things we noticed, including all the things that had just recently happened while he was out of town!



And of course, as our time ended, the three of us realized Miss Nadia was sleepy. She helped put her books and toys away, was patient in getting into her "warm clothes" as I call them, and we got in the car and headed home. This was all very cute, but the best part of our morning was yet to come.



We pulled into our driveway and I could hear Nadia say, "side" for "outside". I said, "Yes, honey, we have to go outside." I opened the door and leaned in, grabbed the bag of groceries from the driver's side of the car, with just enough time to hear her say, "Hi!" I went to the other side of the car to get Nadia and my purse, and she tells me, "buckle" and "up" as I bring her out of the car. As she reaches my hip, she tells me "beep! beep!" and points at my keys. I hand her the keys and point to the button that locks the door and sets the alarm. I say, "ok, you do the beep beep" and she pushes the button once to lock the car door. Then I ask, "Again?" and she leans forward, take the keys in her hands, and pushes the button a second time to set the alarm! We get inside the house, and I let her climb the stairs as she says, "up" over and over again with each step. She gets to the top, turns around, and tells me "nigh-night"... I say, "Ok, honey, you go to your room, Momma will meet you there." I put the bag of groceries in the front corner of the kitchen as she walks down the hallway to her room. As I round the corner and look in, I see she is patiently waiting at the end of her crib for me.



She gives me the sign for "clothes" which was telling me to take off her winter suit. She says, "up, please" and I pick her up. I grab her blanket and her binkie (that awful binkie!) and start to sing, "Leaving on a Jet Plane" Peter, Paul and Mary-style. She looks me square in the eyes and puts her fingers gently to my mouth. (Ok, I'll stop singing!) I immediately stop, mid-phrase, and lay her down in the crib. I put the blanket up to her chin, and with binkie in her mouth, she tells me "Thank you". She fell asleep immediately.



Are you crying yet? I am!


Here are some things she has learned this week:


--"Jaci" for Grandma Jaci. The best timing of this was when she screamed it into the office at LA Weight Loss while Grandma Jaci was talking to a counselor!


--"Teese" for Therese. She pulled this out, as well as the sign we created for Therese, in the car on the way to Cottage Grove. We said, "No, honey, we're not on the way to see Auntie Therese." I called her right away to see if Nadia would keep saying it, and she could barely hear it through the phone but she kept it up!


--"LOUIE!" We spent last Friday night at George and Lisa's and Nadia had a lot of fun with all the little doggies, even yelling for Louie each time he ran away!


--"wi-wi" for wipe, which Nadia can now do for herself if she makes something "messy" (thank you, Jaci, for showing me this!)


--she has figured out how to go DOWN stairs finally! She does not like to go backwards, she likes to sit on each one, and say "sit" and then put her feet down so she can "slide" to the next.


--This morning she told me "pee!" and I said, "Ok, let's go to the bathroom!" She pointed to the toilet, lifted the lid, and just looked in... I don't know if this meant she had a pee diaper or not! But I am definitely going to get the potty and a pair of "pretty panties" this week! Nadia knows the difference between poop and pee and tells me what she has in her diaper before I go to open it. This is good, except for when she has wet poop and tries to tell me it's pee... Then I'm just disappointed I don't get to change an easy diaper!


Remember, Nadia is only 16 months old!


We are so incredibly blessed to have Nadia in our lives. She continues to awe and amaze us and we are so very lucky to be surrounded by her love and energy.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

I cried in zumba last night.

I had been working a second shift job this past month at the American Girl doll company which kept me from attending zumba every week. I wrapped all the little accessories and dolls and toys, and spent time in loose fill, packing the peanuts in the boxes and taping them closed before mailing. And every Tuesday night at work for those four weeks I thought about zumba. I missed it incredibly, I missed the freeing movements and hour of expression. Yes, I made some extra money for my family and I am grateful for that, and it was hard to be away from Bryan and Nadia each night at dinner time and bedtime. However, the hardest part of being away from my family was the "therapy" I was missing from zumba class.

Last night was long overdue. I worked out twice as hard, I moved twice as much, I sweat more than usual. It felt so good to be in my element again and push my body in a physical way. There were moments in class last night where I lost myself in the music, especially when my instructor had everyone move where they wanted in the room and dance how they wanted. It was just magical, to feel so free, to be so happy, to be in tune with my own body.

Class ended with a song by Josh Groban, called "Thankful." We cooled down, stretching our arms above our heads, to the side, behind our backs and working our legs. I was entranced by the words, that kept repeating, "We have so much to be thankful for." By the end of the song, all I could do was stand still, close my eyes, and cry. I was swept away by so many things in that moment and it has inspired me to get back on this blog and write for you all.

I encourage each and every person reading this to find your zumba. What is it that truly makes you happy? When is the time, if for only an hour a week, do you take the time to learn about yourself? Zumba is like therapy for me. It's relaxing and yet invigorating, it produces a wonderful high, it stretches me physically and mentally with learning new moves and choreography, it allows me to open up and express myself. It is a time when I can truly be ME. I just happen to be surrounded by others who feel the same way I do!

Besides zumba, I have found incredible happiness this year. I finished teaching for Stoughton schools this past June and have decided to be a stay at home mom ever since. I was incredibly lucky to meet and work with so many talented and caring teachers in that district. I am grateful to my students that put up with me for two years, who made it through some really stressful times with me without even knowing it. If I could have my own choir now with Tasha, Jordan, Alex, Theron, both Zach's, both Kris's, and Justina and Jalea and Catherine and McKenzie and Luke and Sam and Bre and Ashley (oh, Ashley!), I would be a very happy woman. If one of my eighth graders reads this and doesn't see their name, don't be offended. Teachers forget names but they never forget how you made them feel.

I got to go to Europe this past summer with the Chamber Singers from UW--Platteville. Bryan was unable to attend this time around but I look forward to the day he will join me. We sang first in Berlin, then around smaller areas of Germany, and finished in Prague in the Czech Republic. It was absolutely breathtaking! I was overwhelmed by the beauty of those countries, how friendly people were in general, the powerful history and the beautiful art and architecture. This trip was a music geek's dream! We sang in four completely different, absolutely breathtaking churches. We saw Bach's church in Leipzig (including where he was buried), the area in Halle where Handel lived and worked, and even rode on a boat on the Elbe River and hummed "The Moldau" by Smetana as we went.

Nadia turned a year old this past September and she is just amazing. She sings and hums to herself, she dances at least a dozen times a day, she helps around the house and puts things back where they belong. She has learned a dozen words this month (literally!) including chilly, waw-waw, noo-noo (noodle), up and down, ouch, apple, bib, cocoa, and more. She is incredibly entertaining to watch from an outsider's perspective. It is rewarding to see how quickly she learns, how smart she really is, how easy of a kid she seems to be. We are truly blessed to have Nadia as our daughter.

For the past four months I have been on LA Weight Loss and trying to take care of my body. I have lost 26.6 lbs so far and intend on losing quite a bit more. My goal is to be a size 8 at the Chilton Beer Fest on the third weekend of May. Keep cheering me on! I believe I will get there! I think I can, I think I can...

This fall I have been traveling down to Platteville once a week and singing again with Chamber Choir. I even got to go on their fall tour to the Fox River Valley. After sharing time with them at Retreat at the Sinsinawa Dominican Mound in September, I realized just how much I missed the ensemble and having singing in my life. We made the commute work as long as we could financially but our bills finally won the battle. I fully intend on singing with them again in the spring once I have a nighttime job, or once we win the lottery, whichever comes first.

And now Christmas is here and I am struck by how lucky I really am. I have a husband who loves me very much and a daughter who is cuter and smarter than most... I have Therese to hang out with and just be "normal" around. I have Jaci and Jim, the two most patient and loving in-laws a girl could ever have. I have CeCy and George and Lisa, who continually welcome me into their family. I have my mom, and Dad and Joy, and Dave and Liz, who are incredibly caring people in my life. I have Angie and Katrina, two of my closest friends that still make me laugh until I cry. I have Bob, and Chamber Choir, who provide tremendous comfort. I have a roof over my head, bills that are slowly but surely being paid, food on my table, clothing that fits reasonably well... I have this new body, and tremendous energy, and a drive to continue moving forward with my health and happiness. I am truly feeling happier and more and more comfortable in my own skin every single day.

For Christmas, give yourself the gift of honest happiness. Find your zumba. Find family that loves you to no end. Find friends that make you cry out of complete love and understanding as many times as they make you cry from awful jokes. Find YOU.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and warm winter wishes to everyone!

Love,

The Marks Family

A few GOOD things

A few minutes ago, we were visited by a Jehovah's witness sharing the word of his god. He read a section of the bible sharing with us that we are in the "End of Days" and that all of the problems we are facing are foretold in the bible. I wanted to ask if it was in the factual part of the bible, or the allegory part of the bible, but I figured I should just let him do his mission.

You don't have to hear it from a Jehovah's Witness that things are bad. The Marks family listens to Air America on 92.1 every single day, usually for several hours between our cars and listening over dinner. We try and pay attention to all the directions our government seems to be heading, and the new direction we hope it will turn in 21 days. In this chaotic world of financial crisis, religious and cultural intolerance, and fear of another cold war, it is imperative that each and every one of us take stock of how good things really are.

I am the healthiest I've been in a very long time. I've officially lost just over ten pounds in the past seven weeks. I eat balanced meals every day, with a lot healthier ingredients, and a lot more organic, fresh fruits and steamed vegetables. My influence is working on the rest of the family, I believe.

We have a home that we can afford that is just right for our family. We have bedrooms for each of us, a big downstairs that is a complete mess right now but which will soon be a craft space and storage. We have a welcoming living room and kitchen table with food on it for anyone that would like to stop by.

We have a beautiful, incredibly smart, and well-behaved daughter. She now can "meow" when you ask her what a kitty says, and "moo" when you ask her what a cow says. She also can say "ah duh" for all done, "hey" when she picks up a telephone, "bah" for a bottle or a ball (whichever is closer), "bithoo" for bagel, and growl like a bear when you growl at her. Grandma Jaci says she can also say her own name, but I think Nadia's keeping that from us for a while and making it a special thing between the two of them. ;) Nadia still takes two naps a day, so for three hours every day I get to stay caught up on the computer, do a workout video, wash laundry, clean the kitchen, or relax. Do you know how fantastic it is that our toddler takes two naps?!?

We have two working cars, clothes that fit us, running water of all temperatures in our sinks. We are millionaires in comparison to so many on this earth. We have religious freedom to think the heathen thoughts we think. We even have the right [AND THE DUTY] to vote. What a fantastic country we live in!

We even have the love of our wonderful families. Thank you, Daddy, for our hour-long conversation last night about all things Tennessee, politics, friends, and family. Thank you, Joy, for writing me letters every so often, sharing parts of your life "down south" that we don't get to see from up here. Thank you, Jaci, for supporting us in so many ways, and for being my sounding post on several occasions. Thank you, Jim, for understanding the inner workings of all the things we need but don't seem to work. Thank you, Mom, for making our lawn so beautiful. You have a glorious 'green thumb' and everyone at Nadia's party noticed how wonderful everything looked. Thank you, George and Lisa, for filling our bellies with warm and tasty food, and then cleaning the dishes afterwards. Thank you, Grandma Cecy, for cheering us up on our front porch, or when we're at your front door, on so many occasions. Thank you also for the beautiful cards you embroider, the wash cloths you crochet, and the stickers you put on envelopes. Thank you, Grandma Rindy, who always remembers to send cards on the special occasions, knowing that she cares very much for all of us.

Be optimistic. Remind yourself every day that you are lucky to be so lucky.

Zumba Mama

Yesterday I decided to take up Therese on a babysitting offer and head to the west side Princeton Club for a different zumba class. I've been heading to zumba on Tuesday mornings at 8:45, Wednesday nights at 6:30, and Thursday mornings at 8am when I can. There is also a Sunday class at both the east and west side, and usually I can't make that one because of Nadia's napping and eating schedule. I try to work out five days a week, and since I hadn't done anything on Thursday or Friday, this was my way of making up a day of laziness. :)

I decided that the 4pm class on the west side would be great, since Therese could watch Nadia while I was working out, and then we could all have dinner when I was done. Perfect. I drive to the Princeton Club (which was a fete in itself) and swipe my card. I realize that the changing rooms are around the far back corner on the bottom level, below where I signed in. I then figure out that the giant dance room exactly opposite the entrance is most likely the zumba room. In other words, you have to travel a lot if you want to take a class at the west side Princeton Club. I change my clothes in front of a lot of women that look "with it," almost certainly my competition in zumba class. By the time I reach the doors, it's ten minutes 'til the class starts, and I'm already the 20th person in the room. Even the busiest class on the east side has 30 people. Tops.

Little by little, women were surrounding me. I even had two women stand directly in front of me, and of course I thought I was at the front of the room. By the time class started, we had 50 people in one room. Shortly after class started, I saw that the room seemed more full and in turn, I figured at least another ten people had joined us as the music started. There were literally five dozen women (and a handful of men, one including a young black man with clearly "trained" moves) all in the same workout room for a one hour, fast moving cardio/dance class!

This was insane. I was hit twice by the woman on my left who kept glaring at me because I didn't know all the crazy moves. I was confused by the woman on my right who had her own personal set of Two Left Elephant Feet. I was wonderfully challenged by all the new choreography that this new teacher had to offer, but not enough room to experiment on my own or to make mistakes. For those of my family and friends who haven't taken a workout class in a while, picture this: there are 60 people in one room. All of them are trained for several weeks in the same choreography to the same songs in a room filled with mirrors. People are dancing 10 people wide and 6 people deep from door to window, and can only see the actions of those in front of them and not necessarily themselves or their teacher. Here comes me, a creative soul and not necessarily used to conforming, even in zumba class, looking like a leaping frog amongst an army of ants.

I rock in zumba class. I pick up choreography quickly and if I don't, it's no skin off my back. I just keep trying until I get it, and then when I have it, I do it with conviction. I know I don't look like a trained dancer, and I really don't even look like the latest thing at the club, but I'm definitely having fun and setting a fearless example for those around me. I smile a lot. I add little shimmies and turns. When it comes to the "Low" song ("Apple Bottom jeans, boots with the fur...) I rock it probably more than I should. But none of my strengths were welcome in this mass zumba class on the west side. I'm going to attempt the 8pm class on Tuesday night and see if it's any better. I'm more comfortable with the bouncy, aerobics and latin-influenced teachers on the east side. But if I can zumba almost every day of the week, it's worth a shot! Wish me luck!