Today is May 12, 2009 and it has been almost exactly nine months since I started the LA Weight Loss program. I wanted to be a certain size, a certain weight, a NUMBER, and I have learned to grow beyond the idea that I am a number on the scale. (But honestly, I am so glad I am THIS number on the scale and not the old one!)
I have made some discoveries about myself physically in the past nine months. I have learned how I react to certain foods, that I gain a pound or two when I eat a slice of pizza and one slice of cheesecake can easily turn into two which only makes my insides clench up. I crave working out a lot more than I think I do, and I can tell a significant difference in my mood and energy level if I just go for a walk to the park. There is no more heaving on the stairs (most times I bounce up them), complaining about lifting heavy bags, or worrying about my back from carrying Nadia around all day. And wow, I actually have muscles now. Muscles you can see, that actually work. This is still amazing to me.
I have made some emotional discoveries, too. For instance, I've gotten pretty close to friends and family who understand me and my oddball body issues. I've seen how difficult it is for me to turn away temptation, and which are the most painful foods to turn away. More than anything, I know that I am a good mother and wife, that I am appreciated, and that I don't have to make and eat a batch of cookies for my peers to feel love. I feel rewarded when I provide a healthy, balanced meal for my family or try new recipes. Before August 18, 2008 I felt good when I could polish off half a Chicago-style pizza from Pizza Extreme. Now I feel good when I finish a lo-carb bread, fat free cream cheese, peppadew pepper and tomatos-style veggie burger with a pear.
In the past nine months I have lost 42 pounds and 25 inches from my body. 4 1/2" from my bust, 7" from my waist, 8" from my hips, 5 1/2" from each thigh. I started out as a size 14 unwilling to comfortably wear size 16 clothes. I now generally wear a size 8 pair of jeans, with some 6's and some 10's thrown in, which is a new concept for me. When I was a 14, I only wore 14, whether they truly fit me or not. I was unwilling to budge on that, simply because becoming a true size 16 means shopping on The Other Side of the Store. (Ladies will understand what that means, and you know that I mean nothing against people who do. It was just a hard leap for me to make.)
So now I'm done with the weight loss portion of the program and I've moved into stabilization. This means you introduce a new food each week into your system until you know you can reach a weight you can maintain. I added a new "healthy fat" each day last week, which meant more Smart Balance butter or a tbsp of peanut butter. (My doctor said I should...) And this week has added unlimited vegetables. This is fantastic! I LOVE vegetables!
And now, to celebrate, I am heading to the Chilton Beer Festival this Sunday. It's finally here! I am thankful I've met my goals and I get to celebrate as I hoped, in this new body with incredible energy who also happens to look good in a bikini. I made a list of my goals and those three things were on there. And I have also stayed true to my mantra, which is posted on a card in my medicine cabinet and on a separate card in my purse. "Picture this--I am at Chilton, in the barn, surrounded by friends. I am dancing to Copper Box and drinking great beer. I am wearing clothes that fit me in a size I have never worn before. I am comfortable in my own skin and having the best time of my life!!!" I think I'm going to keep that card and continue to use it as my mantra.
Even with this celebration, with this new persona, I have learned the importance of the journey and not the destination. A diet is a new life style, not a number. I have a long road ahead of me to maintain this body, this ME that I have discovered. This Sunday I will celebrate meeting my goal, but I will also welcome the challenge of maintaining this realistic goal, staying happy, and striving to feel good about myself.
